Let Go. Let God. - What?

It's been too long since I've updated my blog. There's been plenty to be shared but I've been a bit distracted to say the least. By way of explanation (not an excuse); for the better part of two years or so, my family and I have been on a tumultuous journey. One of drug abuse, thefts, lies, anger, sadness and about every other consequence of drug addiction that one can imagine would rip apart a family dynamic. The enemy was having a field day wreaking havoc with our emotions and our psyches... and my faith.

This isn't to say that I withdrew from God, although at times I did question His ways and I did withdraw from many things into a cozy but dark cocoon of isolated despair. There were days I tried handling my family's problems head on. There were days when I spent much of it on my knees praying. There were days I just got in bed and pulled the covers over me. There were days when I just wanted to run away. My faith was being shaken, stretched and challenged, more so than the average day (one might say). I grew wearisome dealing with thoughts that I didn't anymore have any good thing to contribute to my radio show, my church family, my friends, at home, this blog - anything. For the latter part of 2011 and much of 2012, it was all I could do to just make myself get out of bed and go to work. The enemy was kicking my butt while my family was in turmoil.

By God's grace, despite my surroundings and state-of-mind, I grew tired of being exhausted, emotionally drained and having my faith beat up. Scripture encourages not to grow tired of doing the good thing (Note: Galatians 6:9). I think that's in there because we tend to do just that - grow tired of doing the good thing. Especially when things around us get crazy bad. Trying to convince blind eyes that Jesus provides clear vision was like standing on a street corner, jumping and screaming frantically trying to stop a car accident from happening. Nothing I said, nothing I did, nothing I tried was working.

I believe that one of the most painful things - if not the most painful thing - for Christians, is watching a loved one or close friend live without any desire to know Christ. Watching from the sidelines as their lives are tossed from one drama to the next, listening to excuses and denials with no ear in return to hear the truth. Last year during a Sunday school class and another time while on a mission trip to Ethiopia, I had the opportunity to ask my class mates and team mates if they had anyone in their family who didn't know Christ. Every hand went up... every hand. This, to me, was alarming and sort of comforting at the same time. It was alarming because I had no idea that the vast majority of us (believers) live with someone who doesn't know Christ. It was sort of comforting because I realized that this wasn't just the case in my family. I don't exactly know why I found comfort in that - but maybe it had something to do with my realizing I am not the one who can save people; so maybe, I should stop trying.

It's terribly painful and frightening to know that many of our loved ones are risking an eternal life without Christ. Having a personal relationship with Jesus doesn't mean having a life without drama (far from it) - but it does mean there's hope and it means there's a peace (of mind and soul) that surpasses any comprehension (Note: Philippians 4:7). A hope that provides grace that sustains the believer regardless of what the world throws at them. For a non-believer, this hope and peace isn't there. Their hope is placed in anything and everything but God; i.e... sex, drugs, work - whatever.

After I finally had enough of trying to fix my family, it was then I remembered where hope and peace was. I remembered that there is, only, one who can fix anything. I got on my knees and into my bible. Ironically enough, when friends share with me their struggles, I'll often ask them how their prayer life is and how their bible reading is going. So here I was, smack in the middle of the worst struggle I can remember, asking God where He was.

When I say, "by God's grace" - I mean that because of His merciful, unwarranted patience and love for me, I'm able to realize that I can't save people, that's His job. By reaching out to my Sunday school group and other brothers and sisters in Christ, I was reminded that our job (as believers) is to love people - even our troubled family members - like Jesus. Forgive them like we are forgiven. Pray for them unceasingly - even if you're tired of praying or think you've prayed the same prayer and God's tired of hearing it (He isn't). We are to, boldly not brashly, share the Good News and teach others to do the same. The rest is God's job. This sounds easy enough but I tend to try and fix things, then, ask God to help out when I can't. I tend to question God's timing when I don't think He's been listening. And there's the problem... I tend to live by sight and feeling, not by faith.

Brothers and sisters in Christ would tell me, "Let go. Let God." - What does that even mean? I might have the answer, bear with me. For most of those months I've been telling you about, I was too preoccupied with my own feelings of failure to tirelessly continue doing the job Jesus asks His followers to do. We don't deserve the blessings, patience and promises that God freely offers us through Christ - but He wants us to have them anyway. We'll never be able to pay God back for His allowing His only Son to pay our price for every sin we commit. Maybe some of those loved ones among us who don't know Christ are scared to turn to Him. Maybe they're too lost in their feelings of guilt and failure to trust God's love and accept His gracious promises, because they know they don't deserve it. The truth of that is the beauty of the Good News, isn't it... (?)

This is why it's vital that we believers continue walking by faith - because we never know when we're being watched. We never know when an unbeliever receives a bit of truth just by our example. If we're too focused with our own feelings, how can we possibly share our faith with anyone, let alone those we love who desperately need to hear it?

Today, the drugs are gone, the stealing has stopped and things have settled down. There is still much to be done, but my point is, much is being done - thanks to God, not me. I wish I could tell you that all our family troubles are gone and life is a bowl of fresh peaches. I can't. But I can tell you that since I started focusing on the heavenly things and not the worldly things that surround me, my peace has returned and my hope is being restored. Surely this is having a wonderful effect on my faith. There are some promising things going on within my family, even though there are still days I wish God would hurry them along. But what's the saying? God's not always in a hurry, but He's always on time.

The scary truth is that it's too easy, if we aren't diligently careful, to slip into the chaotic world around us and start feeling all those terrible feelings again. When we do this, it's hard, if not impossible, to experience the peace and grace of God. And without that, we begin to question God and lose sight of His promises.

How do you deal with things when they go crazy bad? How do you cope with a loved one (or loved ones) that don't know Christ? If you're like me, and you tend to freak out, maybe my story will help you. Stop trusting your feelings and start walking in your faith. When you feel the world around you dragging you down and you're growing tired and weary, remember that God is in control, He loves you and He has wonderful things in store for you. Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Walking by faith, not by sight. Trusting God and know He's prospering you whether you're feeling it or not. Maybe that's what "Let Go. Let God." means. Ya think?